woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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