If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
