please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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