She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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