U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
