I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
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It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can't turn off my feet"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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