You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
