I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we're so committed to being not committed
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
