YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
