im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have fence marks all over my body
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
