Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
jump out the window naked night went bad
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
