The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
