i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
