I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
