I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize