I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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