Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
