my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
