We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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