Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
