Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she told me i tasted like america
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
