thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
