I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
