Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
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was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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