how can u be prego again
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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