In the future we'll all be gay
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
