Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
