OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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