we made out on top of his cat.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
