Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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