Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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