my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
