Just fell off a train. Bad.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
