He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
