D3 body, D1 cock
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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