My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
