oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
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I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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