Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
