3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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