I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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