I wish I could punch you in the face.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
