escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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