thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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