i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
