I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize