Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sober January is a disaster.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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