so that wasnt chicken after all
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
