just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
