I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
third nipple confirmed
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
last night I used snow as a chaser
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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