I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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