Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
