when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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