you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
