Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
now i know why i became what i already was.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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