ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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