i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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