You can't special order awesome
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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