I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
