chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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