We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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