Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
