In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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