I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
