:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize