You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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