i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
