A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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