We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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