Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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