He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
