i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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