I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
