Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
