You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
