at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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