he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
