I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
