How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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