Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
