Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
