She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
