Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
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He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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