Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
