garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
