His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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