I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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